SANDUSKY, Ohio — A tense thermostat standoff inside a two-story colonial on Birchwood Court has entered its third week, as homeowner Rick Callahan, 57, continues to insist that 64 degrees is “plenty” for a household in which every other member is wearing a hat indoors.
“There’s no such thing as cold, only weak sweaters,” said Rick, who has worn shorts every day since Labor Day as a matter of principle. “I grew up in a house that was 58 degrees and I turned out fine.” Rick then sneezed four times and blamed his dog Sunny.
The crisis escalated Monday when Rick’s wife, Lorraine, proposed a compromise of 66 degrees. Rick rejected the offer as “basically the tropics” and responded by taping a laminated sign to the thermostat reading “DO NOT TOUCH — MANAGED BY DAD.”
Experts at the Great Lakes Institute of Household Temperature Policy say the situation is common this time of year. “Our studies show 81.3% of men believe the thermostat is a direct line to the electric company’s bank account,” said senior fellow Dale Pruneau. “Each degree raised is, in their mind, a personal wire transfer.”
Rick has also reportedly begun a nightly patrol of the house to confirm all windows are “sealed for battle,” and has explained the concept of layering to his daughter, an outdoor gear store manager.
At press time, Lorraine had quietly installed a smart thermostat app on her phone in September. The house has been a cozy 70 degrees the entire time. Rick continues to stand guard over the old dial, which is no longer connected to anything, and reports he has “never felt more in control.”
