St. Joseph, Missouri – In a stunning display of male confidence, local man Chad Thompson, 32, took it upon himself to explain the intricacies of childbirth to Dr. Sarah Chen, a board-certified obstetrician with 15 years of experience, during a chance encounter at a coffee shop.
Witnesses report that upon overhearing Dr. Chen mention her profession to the barista, Thompson swiftly inserted himself into the conversation, armed with knowledge gleaned from a combination of high school health class memories and a documentary he half-watched on the Discovery Channel three years ago.
“Listen, doc, it’s pretty simple,” Thompson began, gesturing with his caramel macchiato. “The baby is like, in there, and then it comes out. It’s basically like a waterslide, but with more screaming.”
Dr. Chen, who has successfully delivered over 1,000 babies and published numerous papers on obstetrics, was reportedly rendered speechless by Thompson’s expertise.
Undeterred by Dr. Chen’s silence, which he interpreted as rapt attention, Thompson continued, “And don’t even get me started on C-sections. That’s just taking the easy way out. In my opinion, they should only be used if the baby is, like, stuck or something.”
Thompson then proceeded to draw a crude diagram on a napkin, depicting what appeared to be a stick figure shooting out of a tube. “See? Easy peasy. I don’t know why women make such a big deal out of it.”
When asked for comment, Dr. Chen simply shook her head and muttered something about needing a stronger coffee. Thompson, however, was more than happy to share his thoughts.
“I’m just glad I could help educate a medical professional,” he said, puffing out his chest. “It’s important to spread knowledge. Next week, I’m thinking about stopping by the local nuclear physics lab to explain how atoms work. Did you know they’re basically just tiny solar systems?”
As of press time, Thompson was last seen approaching a group of NASA scientists, eager to share his theories on how to “just fly around” the Van Allen radiation belts.
