Congratulations! Your man has survived someone else’s last hurrah before marital bliss. Now, it’s your turn to nurse him back to domestic god status. Don’t worry, we at Mansplained have compiled a handy guide to ensure a smooth transition back into the loving embrace of his castle:
The Art of Nourishment:
- Hydration Station: Transform your kitchen into an oasis of Gatorade, Pedialyte, and water. Electrolytes are his new best friend.
- Comfort Food: Forget the salad. Whip up his favorite greasy, cheesy, carb-loaded delights. Remember, a happy gut equals a happy man.
- Hair of the Dog?: Tread carefully here. A mimosa might seem like a good idea, but it could backfire spectacularly. Proceed at your own risk.
Cleaning and Caring:
- Sanitize: Disinfect any questionable surfaces he may have encountered. Remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas…except for germs.
- Comfort Zone: Create a cozy nest of pillows and blankets. Bonus points for blackout curtains and noise-canceling headphones.
- TLC: Offer a soothing massage or a warm bath. A little pampering can go a long way in restoring his manly glow.
Emotional Support:
- Listen: Let him recount his epic tales of bro-bonding and questionable decisions. Nod empathetically, even if you’re secretly judging.
- Validate: Assure him that his fading memories of tequila shots and questionable bets are perfectly normal. Black was going to hit, he just bet a minute too soon.
- Forgive: This might be the most important part. Remember, he’s just a man, and men sometimes need to unleash their inner fraternity man. A little forgiveness goes a long way.
Bonus Points:
- Surprise Him: A new video game, a round of golf, or a night out with the boys can work wonders in restoring his spirits.
- Reverse Psychology: Mention how impressed you are with his ability to “party hard.” He’ll be so eager to prove you wrong, he might just start cleaning the garage.
- Remember: This too shall pass. Before you know it, he’ll be back to his old self, mowing the lawn and grilling burgers like a true champion.
